Man Made Fences

All over the church you hear the phrase: “If you wait until you clean up your act to come to Jesus, you will never come.” What a true statement, but I fear that we believe that statement stop applying to us once we accept the salvation that Christ offers. I don’t know how many times I have intentionally tried to hide from the Lord until I got things straight. I do it all the time. I mess up, like I always do, and then I think I can “fix it”. I think I can solve the problems that arise in my life. I want to use the right words to talk to him with. I understand that there is a lot that I can control and that I have some power over some things in my life. But there is a lot that I can’t control. I get myself in a lot of trouble, and for some stupid reason, I want to believe that it puts a fence between my Father and me. I want to believe this because it helps me feed my ego; thinking that there is something I can do to make the Lord love me more… or less.
The truth is, no matter how long I wait to take things to the Lord, He already knows…and He has already forgiven me. The only fences built out of my sins are the ones that I try to box myself in out of guilt. Guilt doesn’t come from the Lord. He never makes us feel guilty; we do that to ourselves. He is always waiting for His children to stop being dramatic and just be His. I, more than anyone I know, want to make a production about how bad I “feel” about the position I find myself in. I want to talk to everyone I know about it. And, for some sick reason, I want to relive all the crap that I pull out of my past. When I do this, I am trying to put distance between the Lord and me. And while I know this isn’t possible, I try with all my might.
The point that I am trying to make is this: We should never wait to talk to the Lord about our lives. Pissed off? Tell him why. Happy? Let him share the moment with you. Hurting in ways you never thought possible? Let him take a moment to listen to you. Prayer is a dialog that starts with you being honest, but you have to find a place to start listening for him. I have come to understand that he understands every emotion that we can possibly feel, and not because he created them, but because he has experienced them first hand. There is nothing clean about the lives we lead. Nevertheless, He finds beauty in out attempts at perfection.