So This Is Christmas...

Working in the retail and/or the restaurant business gives you a different view of the holidays. You see hundreds of people buying gifts for all the right reasons... but in all the wrong ways. They fight and yell at the person in front of them in the check out line, because they have family they need to rush home to. People loose patience with the cashier when they can't scan the bar code that has been ripped off... Why is it so hard to find a genuine smile to give to the person on the other side of the counter (cashier or customer)?

I love the idea of Christmas. I love the Biblical origin of the holiday. I will spare you all the "I hate the commercialism" comments. Man, I even like the Christmas songs... seriously they make me smile, and give me a good reason to do a stupid dance as someone sings "dashing through the snow" during a Texas Christmas (it's 75 degrees outside, seriously!). All that said, this hasn't been a great Christmas for me (just hear me out!). Since I have left my parents home in Crockett, I have adjusted nicely to being a grown up during the holidays. I accept the shift of the holidays being about the children and not me. The only thing that I ask for during the holidays is for family. I just want to see my parents. I want to see my brothers and their families. I am okay with not having anyone to hold tight during this "romantic" season... I just want to the chance to be an uncle for a couple of days, know what I mean? I just want to be a brother for a little bit. I want to hug my mothers neck, and stand around the BBQ pit with my Dad as we grill up some last minute food. But I haven't gotten that chance, and it has made the holiday hard this year. Family equals holidays... so these December days haven't felt like a holiday season.

I don't want to be a downer, because there is so much to be thankful for; and I am super thankful for the blessing that have been given. So, enjoy this time of the year, no matter how stressful. Watch your kids tare into the presents. Take that great "after turkey" nap. Hug your husbands. Kiss you wives. Let you family individually know how much they mean to you. Then, for crying out loud, give the people at Starbucks a break if it takes them a little longer to get you your extra foamy latte; look around there are hundreds of other people waiting too!

Merry Christmas. Thanks for being you and a part of my life!

Oldplay

I have never been a big Coldplay fan. The reasons behind this are for a differen't conversation. But I LOVE this. I like this guys voice, and the concept behind this... but, I LOVE this clip because the girl in the crowd at the 1:12 marker. Our souls are meant to be touch. We should be moved by the beauty of the moments that touch us.

A Merciful Loss

Here's the thing about loss: It is never a singular moment. It doesn't matter what you loose, it is lost everyday until you find it or you replace it. The worst part about loss is that somethings cannot be replaced. You can't replace a loved one who has passed away. How does a teenager replace the virginity they just lost in the backseat of a car? Can a child ever replace or refill the innocents that is unwillingly ripped from them? Loss removes the blinders that we wear. Loss forces us to survey the lives that we are living, because after loss there is something missing. By definition, loss creates an emptiness. How does a father rewind the time that he lost with his children?

There is so much that can be said about loosing things in this life. I have spent many pages of this blog pouring over the effects of loosing things that you hold so dear. But there is something bigger to be said about loss. Loss hurts like hell, but salvation is the sweetest fulfillment of the soul. Just as loss is not a singular event, neither is salvation. Salvation pours over us daily. Salvation is the beginning of the redemption plan that the Lord will bring to completion. He tells us that at the end of time He will make ALL things new. That includes those who trust in Him, in spit of loss and pain. But what about today? Loss is happening right now, and it hurts!

Lamentations 3:21-24 "This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.

Every morning the sun rises like a second chance to do things better today than you did yesterday... that is His mercy on us. He doesn't give up on us. He can fill the pain that loss creates; better than that, He can grow us from loss. He can help us grow stronger than the things that are lost.

Let Him be your hope.

Stirring the Air I Breath

Life never stops coming at you. It just happens... full blast! Today was filled with me failing a final exam, to me trying to play savior at work, to comforting a hurting brother, and by the end of the night I found a way to play the jerk as well (sorry Taylor!). All I am saying is that it can get exhausting living this life. I know that there is nothing in those last two sentences that are ground breaking or earth moving... but they are true. After all that I did or that I had happen to me today, I reread the introduction of a great book (Through Painted Deserts, by Donald Miller). The entire book is about his journey from Texas to Oregon (sounds nice huh?), and the ways he sees God moving. But the introduction to this book stirs my soul. Know what I mean? Have you ever had a movie or something just make your heart move toward something MORE that what you are?

Maybe I am being too poetic or something, but I can't stop feeling this stirred sensation in the pit of my stomach (maybe it's just the pizza talking). I think God put stuff inside us that makes us awe and wonder for and about Him. For me it's mountains and sunsets. I just can't not see his divine presence when I gaze at the pinks and golds that fill a sunset sky. He put that inside me. He put it there because I have a short memory. He put it there to remind me of Him when I start wimpering about how bad I have it. He put it there to show me that I am loved... even when I feel it's impossible. He put it there because He is gracious to a ego driven klutz like me.

After I started to heal up from some of the worst pain in my life I heard a song that talked about hope and breathing again. It rang so true to me. Every word washed over my beat up soul. For me, at that time, it was telling me (He was telling me) it was okay to be okay... not great or perfect or fake... but okay with me and Him. Now, all this time later, I have stumbled over this song again (or He has hit me over the head with it). But, it means something more. There is so much in the song that speaks to giving the grace that has been given. And it speaks a lot about the beauty in his creation (and His presence).



This clip is Breathing Air Again, by the Robbie Seay Band. The video has great photography. Just take the time...

If Your Church Disapeared, Would Your Neighborhood Miss It?

Just asking a question.



What do you think?

Just A Ramble

I was in a wreck last month. It was totally my fault, and I feel like an idiot! I have a bad habit of not totally paying attention to the road, and the other drivers that are traveling beside me. I find myself always in my own world. I am either trying to find just the right song on my ipod or talking on my phone. When I am behind the wheel of my truck, it's all about me. How stupid am I?

Last month, it was business as usual. I was driving on my way to get where I wanted to go. My mind was full of everything that I have been wrestling with for the past couple months... and years. It seems that my mind and heart are just fighting each other... then there are new things that have decided to jump into the mix. What do you do when you find yourself questioning almost everything around you? What do you do when you feel the urge to run even through you feel you are right where you are supposed to be? What do you do when you question the place you find yourself in this world? What if you question the quality of His will for you?

Have you ever had the moment when all your junk looks you right in face? You have reached a depth that has forced you eye to eye with the stuff you don't want anyone to know about? It's scary. It is haunting. Even though you understand that the Lord has covered all your junk, it is still hard to look at all the crap you still find yourself battling. It hurts. It hurts because you feel so weak. Man, I hate feeling weak. I hate feeling out of control. Worse than that, I hate feeling s if I can't control my own actions. We all love to quote Paul when we find ourselves in these types of situations (The things I don't want to do, I find myself doing; and that which I wish to do I don't).

Here is the way I see myself right now: I hate looking back at the past that I stupidly chose to walk through, but I can't take my eyes off it long enough to actually plan for what might come my way. There is so much stuff that I would like to see myself accomplish... but I never even try. Why do I do that? Why do I only long and wish for things that I can reach? Why don't I ever take those steps that I want to take? (It is at this point in this post that I start to think that I have used a lot of words, and not said a word of what is on my heart!) I am in constant "non-motion". I don't like the choices I made, so I let them place enough fear in me to cause me to try and never make another decision that might blow up in my face. Know what I mean? I am scared that I might fail again. I know the scriptures that speak of boldness... and yet I still just stand.

So this is what I am going to do. I am not going to promise myself that I will start to act. I am going to do something Godly for a change. I am going to thank my God for the things he has blessed me with. And I am going to bless him for the things that have been taken away from me...and the things that are still in my life. King David spent an entire book aching over the situations and emotions that where present in his life. Then he praise the Lord that loved him enough to let him cry. I am loved, and He has given me the power to accomplish the deep yearnings of my heart. So, while I still struggle to let go of the past, and can't find the right way to reach for the future...I praise. I give thanks, even if I feel hollow as i do it!



This is a clip of Mat Kearney. He is freestyling at a small church. He is singing about seeting up an alter right where you are. Just setting it up in praise for the God that does so much for us!