Being single is tricky. There are different levels of singleness (is that even a word?) There are those who aren’t married, but in a serious relationship, so they consider themselves “off the market”. Then there are those who are in a relationship, but are “still looking”. Then there are those who are not in a relationship at all. But even this group of singles is broken down into sub-groups. There are those who want to be in a relationship and those who don’t want a relationship (they are just fooling themselves).
Now, I have the good fortune to know what it is like to be apart of every single one of these groups of singleness, and I also know what it is like on the other side of being single. But, in the past couple of weeks I have witnessed, from the outside looking in, what it looks like to be single… and I must say that it doesn’t always look pretty. In fact, most of the time it looks like a swamp, when one steps in the wrong place you start to sink in emotions and tears.
I was talking with a friend who is in a relationship that is at best “rocky”. She and her boyfriend both love the Lord, and strive to live a life worthy of Christ’s blood. However, singleness is kicking their butts! I spent a couple of hours with her last week, just talking about life. I asked her what her goals where for her life. Her answer was a very common answer among single people: “To get married and someday start a family” Her answer broke my heart, because I know the reality of such a goal (because I have lived it). While there is nothing wrong with wanting to be married, to make it your life goal distorts our view of how we are to live. To view marriage as a goal is to see it as the finish line. Our mentality toward relationships becomes one of, “If we could just get married…” or “I will be better once we get married.” Relationships become a means to an end. But far worse, we start living out lives in such a way that will get us married or become more attractive to potential mates.
This becomes a major problem because we stop allowing God to create us into the son or daughter that he wants us to be, and we start molding ourselves into the people we think we should be for our future wife or husband. Have you ever made the statement: “I want to live a life that will bring honor to my future wife (husband).”? While this thought is honorable, it creates an idol out of the prospect of marriage.
What about this? What if as single people we stop looking at marriage as a finish line? What if we let Jesus continue to make us into the people He wants us to be? What if we just followed His footsteps, even if they led us away from the person we think is our “future mate”, no mtter how much love we feel for them? What if we gave up on the type of dating we see on TV and hear in music? What if we stopped viewing singleness as “being stuck in a holding pattern”? What if being single is living life just as much if you where married?
There are lots of reasons why I am the last person to give relationship advice. However, this is something I know for a fact: Not everyone should be in a relationship! Some people hurt themselves more by being in a relationship. You shouldn’t try being in a relationship if you aren’t emotional “okay”. While no one is totally emotional “okay”, I think you understand what I am trying to say. Because, if you aren’t “okay” you will start looking to that other person to help you be okay. That isn’t anyone’s job except the Lords!
I hope I become better at singleness than I am now. God save this poor boy!
Now, I have the good fortune to know what it is like to be apart of every single one of these groups of singleness, and I also know what it is like on the other side of being single. But, in the past couple of weeks I have witnessed, from the outside looking in, what it looks like to be single… and I must say that it doesn’t always look pretty. In fact, most of the time it looks like a swamp, when one steps in the wrong place you start to sink in emotions and tears.
I was talking with a friend who is in a relationship that is at best “rocky”. She and her boyfriend both love the Lord, and strive to live a life worthy of Christ’s blood. However, singleness is kicking their butts! I spent a couple of hours with her last week, just talking about life. I asked her what her goals where for her life. Her answer was a very common answer among single people: “To get married and someday start a family” Her answer broke my heart, because I know the reality of such a goal (because I have lived it). While there is nothing wrong with wanting to be married, to make it your life goal distorts our view of how we are to live. To view marriage as a goal is to see it as the finish line. Our mentality toward relationships becomes one of, “If we could just get married…” or “I will be better once we get married.” Relationships become a means to an end. But far worse, we start living out lives in such a way that will get us married or become more attractive to potential mates.
This becomes a major problem because we stop allowing God to create us into the son or daughter that he wants us to be, and we start molding ourselves into the people we think we should be for our future wife or husband. Have you ever made the statement: “I want to live a life that will bring honor to my future wife (husband).”? While this thought is honorable, it creates an idol out of the prospect of marriage.
What about this? What if as single people we stop looking at marriage as a finish line? What if we let Jesus continue to make us into the people He wants us to be? What if we just followed His footsteps, even if they led us away from the person we think is our “future mate”, no mtter how much love we feel for them? What if we gave up on the type of dating we see on TV and hear in music? What if we stopped viewing singleness as “being stuck in a holding pattern”? What if being single is living life just as much if you where married?
There are lots of reasons why I am the last person to give relationship advice. However, this is something I know for a fact: Not everyone should be in a relationship! Some people hurt themselves more by being in a relationship. You shouldn’t try being in a relationship if you aren’t emotional “okay”. While no one is totally emotional “okay”, I think you understand what I am trying to say. Because, if you aren’t “okay” you will start looking to that other person to help you be okay. That isn’t anyone’s job except the Lords!
I hope I become better at singleness than I am now. God save this poor boy!
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