Help My Unbelif

Out of no where it started to rain today. It was a typical hot, muggy, summer day. You could hear some faint thunder in the distance; then you saw the rain start to hit the pavement. As usual, the windows of my truck where rolled down; so I grabbed my keys and ran outside to roll them up. After getting the windows up, I started to make a dash out of the rain. I stopped running and started walking... then I just stopped. I stood there on the sidewalk of my apartment with my head down, letting the rain slowly soak my head and shoulders. The rain came down harder, and I lifted my face up to the sky... I couldn't help but to be overwhelmed at the moment.

Last night, Leah and I had an amazing night. As the sky went from sunset to dusk we took a walk in the park close to her house. The temperature dropped about ten degrees as we walked under the trees... then out of no where I saw a small flash of light that I hadn't seen since I was a kid visiting my grandparents in Arkansas. We stopped and watched as fireflies danced under the trees. It was amazing. It was the first time Leah saw them, and probably the first bug that she hadn't wanted to run away from. It was amazing to watch these creatures light up the night (in a very small way, of course).

Who is this God that loves us? Who is this God that loves us in a mighty way that sends His son to die a death that I could never die? Who is this God that loves us in the smallest of ways to send a rain storm to remind us that His mercies fall upon us like rain from the sky? Who is this God that allows us to see His creation light up the night? How complete is His majesty that He allows us to call Him "Father"? How gracious is our Father that He makes Himself known to such a broken vessel as me?

I was overwhelmed today because I repeatedly forget that the Lord loves me. I forget because I am selfish and self-centered. I forget because I get caught up in trying to ensure I get things my way. I forget His love until I am reminded of my brokenness. I struggle and fight for the things of this world until I am exhausted, and my exhaustion shows me that my toil hasn't even added a single extra moment to my life... it has added a single extra moment of joy or satisfaction to my days.

Mark 9:24 "Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, "I believe; help my unbelief!"

Oh Lord, I believe in your power and grace... my help my unbelief when I take my eyes off of you!... God help my unbelief!!!

Your Good and Your Brave

There is something in all of us that makes us seek acceptance and validation. It is different for all of us, but it is the same longing. For some, this longing is getting that raise or promotion at work. While others look to achievement and trophies. For me, I look at my parents. I had a conversation with some new friends last night. We had dinner to get better acquainted. They asked me about my childhood and the road that has lead me to the place I am today. I took pride and joy in telling them about my brothers and how my mother raised us alone. I was amazed at how much I loved my momma' as I watched them react as I told them how my mother works full time from her wheel chair. It blew their mind, how much strength my momma' show everyday of her life... It made me understand how much I want to hear my her tell me that she is proud of me. I want so desperately to hear her tell me that I am good and brave. I want to hear my step-dad tell me that he approves of me as a man, and that he is proud of me.

When it comes down to it, we all seek this acceptance from the Lord. We want to hear Him tell me that I am good in the same way He looked over creation and called it good. While I know that my human condition is flawed and cracked, I know that He has put His perfect spirit and power with in me when I accepted His son.

He Is All Around

Sometimes we seek the face of our Lord... but we never take the time to see Him all around us. He is in the air we breath, the ground we spit on, the depth of our darkest hours, and at the peak of our greatest joy! And still, we have the gal to act as if He has hidden himself from us?! Scriptures tell us that there is no place He cannot see, and yet we try to run from Him all in the name of "searching" for Him. We want to take trips across the world to see Him move and work, but we squeeze our eyes shut as He weaves His way through the workings of our everyday. When times seem hard, we cry out for mercy with the breath that He mercifully died to give us. Money gets tight in our suburban lifestyle and start to wonder if He has forgotten us... all the while an African mother holds her aids ridden children as they take their last breath, and she thanks the Lord for the life He has given...

Everyone needs a break from their lives sometimes. We feel heavy, even though He offers a light yoke. Take a hike and see Him work in the rising of the sun. Walk down a dirt path and see Him grow trees hundreds of feet high. Cross a bridge and marvel as He rushes water over a riverbed. Get in your car and drive to the "poor" parts of the city... do that and see Him all around you... then praise Him. Praise Him for the best parts of your life. Praise Him for your kids that you love. Praise Him for your job that you hate. Praise Him for the past that has left you bruised and slightly broken. Then praise Him for the mercies He pours out to us every morning... see Him all around you and then start living like His death actually means something to you.